Many people think they know what boundaries mean, but have no idea what they are or how to implement and maintain them. "Healthy boundaries are those boundaries that are set to make sure you are mentally and emotionally stable." (Prism Health North Texas, n.d.). Having healthy boundaries means you understand what you need to take care of yourself and are able to implement it. Boundaries are different for everyone and knowing what you need can be different from someone else.
Boundaries are a way to to take care of ourselves. When you understand how to set and maintain healthy boundaries, you can avoid feelings of disappointment, anger and give yourself what you need. By setting boundaries you are creating expectation for people to understand what you will accept from them and what they can expect from you. Setting healthy boundaries can enable you to:
- Understand your personal needs and ability to communicate them to others
- Value your own opinions and trust yourself
- Accept when others tell you "no" and learn to start saying "no" to others
Types Of Boundaries
- Physical - This is relation to your personal space, privacy and your body.
- Sexual - This are boundaries relating to anything physically or verbally sexual.
- Intellectual - These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Dismissing someone's ideas or opinions is a way of disrespecting their intellectual boundaries.
- Emotional - These boundaries concern a person's feelings. Not wanting to share your feelings with someone is an example of an emotional boundary.
- Financial - This is any boundary that concerns money.
Setting boundaries is important for protecting your overall wellbeing too. Having boundaries limits your exposure to stress and the production of cortisol (the stress hormone). A lack of boundaries can lead to emotional and physical fatigue, especially if you have to deal with unwanted behavior from others. Boundaries help provide you a sense of autonomy and control in your life, keeping you safe in relationships and at home and work. By placing these boundaries in your life, you are clearly stating where you are drawing the line and showing people what will happen if they step over it.
How To Set Healthy Boundaries
Self Reflection
Understanding what boundaries you want to set and how they will benefit your emotional wellbeing is important. Once you've understood what you are currently dealing with and why you want boundaries, it will help you in establishing them.
Start Small
Developing any new skill or habit is hard at first. Starting small and implementing one boundary at a time makes it less overwhelming. Building them up slowly and allowing yourself to increase it when you feel comfortable improves the likelihood of you sticking to any new skill or habit.
Be Consistent
Letting things slide can lead to confusion and causes issues with sticking to boundaries in the long run. Keeping your boundaries consistent and holding people accountable to them is especially important. This helps to make sure the boundaries are clearly established.
Share Your Boundaries
Everyone has boundaries to some extent and communication is the most effective key to ensuring the people around you know what your boundaries are. Having conversations with people about your boundaries and what you will do if they overstep them is an important part of maintaining them. If people don't know what your boundaries are, how will they know if they overstep them?
If people start overstepping your boundaries, let them know (in case they were unaware) and react accordingly. Often, your friends and family will understand and change their behaviour. But sometimes, if people continue to overstep your boundaries, then making sure you keep consistent and taking care of yourself is the most important thing.
